The Wound and The Gift

A little over a year ago, I was listening to a podcast between Catholic speaker and author Chris Stefanic and Sister Miriam, a former Division I athlete who had a radical conversion and became a Catholic sister. The two were talking about wounds, addictions, and healings. Sr. Miriam made a comment that I could NOT get out of my head:

“The wound and the gift lie side by side.“

She was speaking of the many wounds that people have in their lives. Everything from hurtful words spoken to them as a child that they carry around inside them yet today to abuse, neglect, sudden losses of loved ones, divorce/separation, suicide, addictions, isolation/loneliness, anxiety, illnesses, abandoned dreams …

We all have wounds, but to think that there is a GIFT in the wound… and that the gift lies right beside the wound… and we get to CHOOSE which one we pick up and carry into the world each day was, shall we say, a bit of an epiphany for me.

What would the “gift” of a wound be?

I think it’s when the wound brings us to our knees and forces us to turn to the Lord. When this happens, we see the wound and the world differently. The Lord transforms our woundedness.

I know people who have faced serious, life-threatening illnesses, endured treatments that have caused them great fatigue, loss of hair, intense sickness and yet, they comment on the beauty of a sunrise that I failed to even notice. Some of them even refer to their suffering as a GIFT because it has helped them see life differently… or they comment on the many GOOD things that have come about because of their suffering.

The wound and the gift lie side by side…

And we get to choose which one we will pick up and carry into the world each day.

We can choose to pick up the wound and carry that into the world. We can live our woundedness, share our woundedness by constantly complaining or making life miserable for those around us, or we can view life through the eyes of our woundedness and perhaps even wound others in the process…

OR…

We can skim over the wound and pick up the gift and see the beauty, strength, patience, compassion, understanding, selflessness, appreciation of others, and love that has come into our lives as a direct result of that wound and we can carry THAT into the world around us.

My friend and prayer group member, Cindy, instantly came to mind. Cindy radiates joy and laughter every time I see her–in spite of the fact that she’s battling metastatic breast cancer… in spite of the fact that doctors misdiagnosed the original size… in spite of the fact that she went through the horrible chemo treatment known as the “Red Devil” that damaged her heart and that she later discovered that she hadn’t needed that particular form of chemo… in spite of the fact that her husband is battling Stage IV lung cancer at the same time… in spite of the fact that her cancer returned … in her lungs… and now to have to undergo additional treatments every three weeks for the rest of her life…

Through it all, Cindy is a beacon of light. She’s an encourager, an empathetic listener, a wise counselor, a lover of laughter. She’s never met a stranger, cares deeply about others and wears her heart on her sleeve. She wastes no time sharing how the Lord has blessed her and letting people know she’s praying for them.

Cindy accepts suffering and pain and transforms it by offering it up for others. When my husband was extremely sick and suffering, Cindy told him,

“I was going to have bloodwork done and my veins are in such tough shape, they have to do the blood draw from a spot between my fingers. It’s normally very painful. So last week, I decided you would be the person I offered my suffering for.”

But then she burst into her big, booming laugh and said,

“I’m so sorry! You didn’t get much. For some reason, it didn’t hurt that day!”

Cindy truly “sees” people–even those of us who try hard NOT to be seen. And she rushes in to help and provides love every opportunity she gets.

Without perhaps even realizing it, Cindy gets up every morning and, when faced with the wound and the gift lying side by side, she chooses the gift.

And by doing so, she becomes the gift… for me and for all who are blessed to know and love her.

The wound and the gift lie side by side.

Which one are you going to pick up today?

One Saturday morning while at Adoration at my small rural church, I picked up a little booklet and read a reflection called He Came to Call Sinners.

It read, in part:

In the hour of our agony, in that hour of truth when, at the moment of our appearance before God, we perhaps review in our memory our whole life, with so many miseries and weaknesses, so many failings and falls, I hope that with contrite hearts but immense confidence, we shall say to Jesus, “All this, I give You. Did You not come to earth to seek out my sins and take them upon Yourself?”

I had a momentary vision in my mind when I read those words.

In my mind I was walking with Jesus on a seashore. He was walking ahead of me and I suddenly stopped. I hesitated to continue following Him as I realized how unworthy I am of following Him. All my sins and failures flooded my mind–the many times I’ve failed to love Him as He deserves… the work He’s placed before me that I’ve failed to do… the times I’ve failed to love others as He wanted me to… the many times I’ve doubted His love and care…

I am, I realized, (GULP!)…

… so unworthy of Him and His love…

And suddenly Jesus stopped… it’s as if he knew I’d stopped following Him… He turned around… He looked at me with those all-knowing, kind, merciful eyes of His. He smiled. He KNOWS! His eyes lit up with love. He spread His arms wide and simply said,

“Aren’t you coming?”

I fled my fearful frozen spot and flew across the sand into His arms.

In that instant, I knew–I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that despite all my mistakes, doubts, failures and sins, Jesus has forgiven me.

I am . . . worthy . . .

What love the Lord has for each one of us! The only thing that keeps us from Him is our own inability to believe, understand and comprehend that love.

So often when I contemplate that moment of meeting Jesus at the end of my life, I think only of my faults–the things I just can’t seem to let go of. Honestly? I rarely think of the GOOD deeds I’ve done. Those seem to not even register in my memory.

So the vision I was graced with that morning was pure gift.

“Aren’t you coming?”

Jesus WANTS us to follow Him–in all our unworthiness: mistakes, failures, warts and all.

He’s just waiting for you to run into His arms.

What are you waiting for?

If you knew me in real life (and maybe you DO!), you’d know how much and how often I struggled with writing this book the Lord was calling me to write.

I think we ALL struggle with the things that the Lord is asking of us whether it’s a call to stay open to life when you already have a houseful of children already or whether it’s a call to discern the priesthood when you’ve got a really cute girlfriend or whether it’s a nudge to help the curmudgeonly neighbor you’d really rather ignore.

In the midst of my questioning how I could write a book (and for the LORD?), I came across this Scripture passage (Romans 10:9-18):

“Brothers and sisters: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved… For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

But how can they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how can they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone to preach? And how can people preach unless they are sent? As it is written: How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the good news?”…

I knew innately that this book the Lord and I were to write was meant to bring people closer to Him–to open their eyes to His presence in their daily lives… and the Lord wanted me to use the experiences He brought into my life to do it.

But I felt so… unworthy… inept… unsure…

I think we all feel that way when God calls us to do something that will bear great fruit for Him.

Our priest, Father Bob, gave a homily a few years ago that put things in perspective for me. It was on the conclave when Pope Benedict XVI was elected pope and how after the first, second and then third votes, it was becoming quite clear that Cardinal Ratzinger would be elected pope.

Before the final vote, a Cardinal Shoenberg slipped Cardinal Ratzinger a note and on the note he’d reminded Cardinal Ratzinger of the words he’d spoken at Pope John Paul II’s funeral. Words about saying “yes” to God when called by Him to a task.

That note brought a previously anxious Cardinal Ratzinger great peace. His anxiety about his unworthiness to be pope was replaced with peace because, as Father Bob put it, “For those who say ‘yes’ to God, grace will be given.”

Well! If the future Pope Benedict XVI felt unworthy of the title of pope yet accepted what he knew was God’s plan and found peace, who was I to turn away from writing a simple book? Unworthy that I was… unskilled that I was… I realized that God would provide the grace and that there are people–unknown to me–who would read the book and, through the grace of God, come to believe in Him and come to recognize His presence in their lives.

After all: “How can anyone believe if the message is not proclaimed to them?” (Romans 10:14)

And here I am–nearly five months beyond the book’s release date and the comments from readers continue to come in and continue to amaze and move me to tears:

“I just finished your book. I couldn’t put it down. I loved it. It was funny, deeply moving and made me see how God has a plan for all of us in a different way.”

“I want to have my relationship with my Lord to be as strong as yours. I’m a work in progress.” (Aren’t we ALL?)

“I can’t wait to share my copy with others.”

“Your book was phenomenal. I just read it all tonight and that says alot as I don’t know the last time I picked up a book and was able to continue reading and enjoying it with my ADHD brain. I enjoyed it and if you could write another one, I’d appreciate it.”

“I want to thank you for listening to the Holy Spirit and writing your book. I found it touching and appreciated you showing your deep emotions and feelings. I have shared my book with others and will continue to share it.”

“I had tears and laughter while reading your book. It touched my heart. It gave me great inspiration to be Christ for others.”

“Your book was amazing. Thank you for saying ‘yes’ to the Lord and writing it. Sometimes we miss chance to do what the Holy Spirit is asking of us and sometimes we get a second chance! I will be more aware of the nudges from Him the first time He asks and I will ask for the courage to do it. Thank you!”

“Your book has helped me to accept the very uncomfortable notion of allowing my own vulnerability and trusting God to protect me. Your stories make it all seem so natural and normal.”

“Oh. My. Heavenly. Days! I don’t even know where to start! I’m not a big reader, but one of my goals for this Lenten journey was to read five pages of your book each day until finished and then start a similar book. I started reading your book and I could NOT put it down! I giggled. I cried and I just sat there in awe! I have ordered 25 Miraculous Medals and am so excited to give them away. I have so many more words to say… Thank you for sharing your story! I can’t wait to recommend the book to others!”

“Your book left me inspired and a bit nervous. After I finished reading it, I reflected on my life and the moments I heard God clearly. Perhaps I need to do more works of service? You told a very personal and inspiring book.”

“Thank you for writing this book. I shed a few tears as I read it. As some of the feelings you had about listening to God’s voice, I have had too. Thanks for helping me to learn that I need to listen to that still, small voice and know that it is Him talking to me!”

“I bought your book and this morning I opened it… you had me laughing and crying and I finally had to put it aside because… emotions are draining! Also, you could be ME as far as the introverted, awkwardness, fears all go! I just wanted you to know what a fabulous book this is and I look forward to reading the rest. Thank you for sharing how God is working in your life as well as others. Many people need to hear your message these days. I think people are looking for God and want to hear him as well. I’m thinking it is by design that your book is out at “such a time as this”.

This book that I thought would get into the hands of a couple hundred people is moving right along. I had to order my second shipment of 500 books and that doesn’t count the couple hundred sold off Amazon or the people who have shared their copies with others.

How do we know we’ve cooperated with God? By the fruits our work bears…

What work is God nudging you to do? What fruit is He waiting for your “yes” to bring about? Take it from the world’s most fearful procrastinator–you do NOT have to be afraid! God will give you the grace!

“Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to every creature.” (Mark 16:15)

What a mission call that Scripture verse from Mark’s Gospel is! Can’t you just see yourself: sitting in your favorite chair, eyes closed, body relaxed, cup of coffee in one hand and suddenly . . . you hear God whisper those words into your heart:

“Go . . . into all the world . . . and proclaim the Gospel . . . to every creature . . .”

Your eyes pop open, you rock forward spitting your coffee out of your mouth, and your body is no longer relaxed in ANY way, shape or form. W-H-A-T did you just hear?

Would you? Would you . . .

“Go…”

What do you need to get up from in order to “go”? A job? Laziness? Indifference? An addiction to your phone or social media? Pride? Fear? Unworthiness?

” . . . into all the world . . . “

Where would you go? Would you scale mountains, cross continents or simply to neighborhood streets/yards, parking lots, school playgrounds, the next cubicle, or the grocery store aisle?

Where would you start? Your home? Your workplace? The local Walmart or Cosco? Your school? The nursing home? The homeless shelter? The food shelf? The prison? Your church? (I mean–Church seems like a safe place, right?)

” . . . and proclaim the Gospel . . . “

How? With words? (You’ve suddenly become mute, haven’t you?) Actions? Would you speak? (That’s a fear worse than death right there!) Write? Accept suffering willingly? Show up unexpectedly in the lives of others? Would you give selflessly of your time, talent and/or treasure? Forgive someone who has hurt you? Would you simply share your joy? Would you tell a story of a time you experienced God’s faithfulness? Or would you simply love others as Jesus did?

” . . . to every creature . . . “

E-V-E-R-Y CREATURE? Even the ones we step on or over? Those we pretend not to see? The people we wish weren’t there? The ones who annoy us? Those who anger or disagree with us? Even the ones who worry or scare us? Even Debbie Downer and Negative Ned?

How would you reply to the Lord from that no longer so comfortable spot in your easy chair? Would you offer an excuse? “I’m kind of busy right now, Lord. don’t have enough time for what you’re asking of me” (and please, please, puhlllllease don’t look at my screen time this week!) “I’m not smart enough.” “I don’t know the Bible or my faith well enough.” “I don’t know where to go or what to say.” “Who am I, Lord, to do this hard thing?” “I’m afraid.”

But the Lord gives you that gentle, all-knowing smile of His. He already knows all those things about you, and He’s calling you anyway. He knows you’ve got it in you to do this thing, but you just don’t believe it. He’s saying, “Come on. Trust me. We’ll do it together. It’ll be fun.” (Okay–maybe that last sentence was mine. But I bet He’d say “It’ll be worth it.”) And I guarantee you’ll have fun anyway. I guarantee you’ll be filled with a joy beyond all telling when you place your timid, trembling hand in His and follow where He leads.

The Lord inspires us, guides us and uses us for a greater purpose: to build His kingdom here on earth.

We might feel unworthy to partner with the Spirit of God, but our Lord doesn’t see it that way. How mind-blowing is it that He puts such trust in you . . . and me?

I’ve never really thought how the Lord puts His trust in me. I often say, “Jesus, I trust in You,” but I’ve never really realized that He whispers back, “And, Barb, I trust in you.”

Is it really that simple? To trust that if we obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit one teeny, tiny step at a time, God takes care of the rest? In HIS time? And, if we miss a prompting, it’s not a missed opportunity forever; that God will indeed send another one–perhaps even stronger so we can’t miss it the second, third or hundredth time?

Pray about how God might be asking you to “Go . . . into the world . . . and proclaim the Gospel . . . to every living creature.”

Someone proclaimed the Gospel to me one day . . . and never said a word.

They just left a little figure of Jesus, arms stretched out ready for an embrace, with the words Jesus loves you” on his red sash on the door handle of my vehicle which was parked in a Walmart parking lot. I have no idea who it was, but it sure brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. And honestly? It made my whole day–just as the person who left it perhaps hoped it would–and God knew it would. (And I bet they had FUN!)

Proclaiming the Gospel . . . spreading God’s love . . . really isn’t all that hard . . .

It seems like MANY years ago when I was on my way to do a safety inspection for a client I was working with. It was a beautiful autumn morning and I was enjoying the silence and peacefulness in my car, even though I’d been struggling with a bit of restlessness in my life–particularly my faith life. I felt like I wasn’t perhaps doing all that the Lord desired of me.

As I rounded the bottom of a gentle hill, I heard an inaudible voice in my heart say:

“Pay attention to your life.”

Well! When you get a nudge from the Lord like that, you start paying attention to your life!

And even more intriguing–I knew what He meant.

You see, I’m a “Martha”. If you know anything about Jesus’ friends, you know Martha and her sister, Mary. Martha is the one who runs around doing all kinds of tasks: preparing meals, tidying the house, washing the dishes, making sure there are clean sheets on the beds and towels in the bathroom, polishing the windows until they sparkle . . . while Mary–she sits at the feet of Jesus, listening, watching, soaking up all of His wisdom. And this kind of got Martha’s goat once in a while.

I have Martha’s personality. I like to be busy, serve others, have a clean house and I can occasionally complain, worry and be anxious. I can judge others with the best of them. I struggle with looking at the world with the eyes of Jesus, hearing with the ears of Jesus, loving with the heart of Jesus.

And I knew that the Lord was calling me to change. To slow down and be more attentive to my life and His actions in it.

I also knew that the Lord had blessed me with the charism of writing and I somehow knew that He wanted me to write a book. I had no experience as an author and I certainly had no idea what the book was supposed to be about (which caused me untold amount of worry, doubt and fear). But EVERY time, I thought about taking the easy way out and NOT writing this book . . . every time I procrastinated doing His will . . . every time I told Him I wasn’t the person for the job . . . ONE Scripture passage ALWAYS appeared in my day and caused me no small amount of consternation–

–It was Matthew 25:14-30 where the master goes on a long journey and entrusts three of his servants with talents. To the first he gives five talents, to a second servant–two, and to a third–one. Each according to his ability. When the master returns and settles accounts with them, the servant given the five talents returns with five more and the master praises him, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.”

The same happened with the servant who was given two talents.

But when the servant given only one talent comes forward, he tells the master he buried the talent. (You KNOW where I’m going with this, don’t you?) He had nothing more to show for the talent entrusted to him and said, “I knew you were a demanding person . . . so out of fear, I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.”

And what did the master say? (Yikes!) “You wicked, lazy servant! . . . Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten. For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.” (Double yikes!)

Like I said . . . that Scripture came up every time I pondered not doing what the Lord desired of me.

Not really wanting to be among those wailing and grinding their teeth, I took one tentative step forward . . . and then another . . . and then there was the day I was sitting in Adoration at my small Catholic Church feeling restless and anxious because I’d not been devoting much (if any) time to writing “the book”. I prayed, asking the Lord to give me confidence, wisdom, perseverance, faith and health to get it done–for His glory and my salvation. (Yes, I was still sweating out that wailing and grinding of teeth part). After writing that prayer in my journal, I closed the journal and gazed at Jesus in the monstrance on the altar. Out of nowhere, I heard another whisper in my soul:

“Your salvation does not depend on your writing this book, but the salvation of others may.”

And in that moment, I knew–I knew I was not meant to think of this book as “my story”. (I mean–who really cares about MY story?). No, I realized that perhaps within the words of my story, others would find theirs . . . and this would draw them into a deeper relationship with the Lord.

From that day forward, ever so slowly, (and I mean s-l-o-w-l-y!) the book Everyday Encounters with the Lord came to fruition.

The entire thing has been a work of the Holy Spirit–from the call to pay attention to my life so I could better see Jesus in it, to subject matter, to the timing of the publication.

I hope you not only order and enjoy this book the Lord and I have written, but that you also come to Pay attention to your life and see how the Lord talks, walks, acts and nudges you along your way.

And be sure to let me know if and how it has blessed your life!